Young Mums Club - by Emily D (Mama to Cadence and Remi)

❁ YOUNG MUMS CLUB ❁⁣

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Feel more than free to share this one! It's a raw, real and awesome insight into one of our incredibly strong and inspiring Monty + Olive mummas. All of our stories are different yet so precious hence, I'm not even going to try add to what she has said because it was done so perfectly. I read this with a huge lump in my throat, goosebumps all over my body and through tear filled eyes.

“Before I begin, let me set the scene for you. I’m on the couch in my undies watching bananas in pyjamas with my 8 month old daughter who is tightly gripping the collar of my t-shirt. The house looks like a bomb has hit, I have two exams next week that I haven’t studied for AND 500 things on my to-do-list that I will not be getting done today (probably not tomorrow either). During pregnancy I was always looking for blogs or stories to read about being a young mum. I was dying for a taste of the journey I was about to endeavour. So I’m going to write about it. Transitioning into motherhood as a 19 year old has been beyond challenging, and it’s something that SO many of us young mamas have done (or are doing right now). I recently read an article (found here: https://thestringer.com.au/robodebt-suicide-19-year-old-mum… ) that made me feel so many different emotions for this Mum and her babe. I’m not a writer, but I do have a small community of young mamas who follow me on Instagram - so If there’s a chance that this helps one mama feel less alone, makes her smile or gives her some reassurance then it’s a chance worth taking. For all you young mamas reading this: here’s a reminder that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!⁣

Let’s just start by taking a deep breath. Breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds and then let go through your mouth for 8 seconds. I’m going to take us all back to where it began for me. I was 18, in an unstable on and off relationship and half way through my first year at university. I worked twice a week as a nanny to make the $150 that I lived off pay check to pay check. Besides from my relationship drama, I was living a life similar to any other 18 year old would. I found out I was pregnant in June/July of that year. It didn’t all come crashing down for me (like everyone who hasn’t been in this situation seems to think) but it did come as a big shock. I remember feeling all numb when looking at the double lines on my pregnancy test. I also remember being fearful of the unknown. Am I strong enough to do this?⁣

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Is my baby going to be healthy? Will I ever look the same after this? (Spoiler* answer is no). These feelings also came with a weird sense of love. I can’t explain the feeling of loving someone that you don’t know. At this stage I couldn’t see my bump, or feel my baby move but I just knew I was already so in love with him/her.

My boyfriend and I sorted our shit out. He moved in with my parents and I, and we began to prepare for the arrival of our daughter in March. Pregnancy was hard. Being 18 was A LOT different for me than what it was for my friends. My six month pregnant belly didn’t stop me from having a boogie on the odd weekend out though. I can look back now and acknowledge that pregnancy was probably hard for my partner as well. It’s such a weird phase for a male because they don’t really have the same connection with their unborn baby like a mother does, so it’s a lot more difficult for them to make the same kind of sacrifices as you will be as a mother. Telling our friends and family was amazing. Everyone was SO happy for us. There always will be outsiders who have a negative opinion at this stage, but don’t worry. Just stay tuned for when your baby arrives and they are sliding into your DM’s to tell you how cute he/she is. I found that people who didn’t talk to me at school, or hadn’t spoken to me in a long time all of a sudden had this weird interest in me, which kind of hurt because it just goes to show that people don’t really give a shit about you unless you’re pregnant, getting married or dying. My pregnancy also reconnected me with some really good friends who I had naturally drifted away from with age. This was so nice, pregnancy really is a time to soak up all the love and support you can get from those who genuinely want to be there for you.

Fast forward to March when our daughter was born. Everyone deserves to feel the love you feel when your baby is handed to you for the first time. I get all teary-eyed just thinking about it. Everything just felt so right. By now, my relationship was rock solid, and we were SO ready to embark on this adventure. The first few months of parenthood were the hardest/ best months of my life. You’re learning to be a mum, accept your new body and still trying to be yourself all at the same time and it’s just insane. Mums are superheroes and NO ONE should ever deny that. Health nurse visits, latching and mothers group are just some of the weird things that you never imagined to be doing as a nineteen year old, but you’re doing them and it all just feels so surreal. I don’t think anything will mature you as fast as becoming a mum does. I just feel like a completely different person now to what I did before my daughter was born.⁣

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Cadence is 8 months old now. I FINALLY feel like myself again. The best version of myself. I have amazing support from my partner, friends and family. I have a few good mama friends which really helps with making me feel normal haha. I’ve connected with so many young mamas who I’ve met through my small business, and other mamas who I’ve kind of just fallen into friendships with. For sure there’s an unspoken of ‘young mums club’ between us all. It’s so important for us all to look out for each other, we know what we’re all going through and there’s no point in doing it alone. For those of you who are reading this and aren’t mama’s/papa’s yet - CHECK ON YOUR MUM/DAD FRIENDS. Some days I’m left feeling like rolling up into a little ball and crying. We literally live on a day-to-day basis around here. When I wake up I have no idea whether we are going to get shit done today or if we are just going to watch bananas in pyjamas on repeat for 5 hours until someone else gets home. As hard as it is, none of us would change it for the world and that’s the best part about mama-hood. There isn’t anything like it.⁣

If you’re a mama who feels unaccomplished, not good enough or just alone in this journey, I want you to know that you are amazing. You can do this. You are a bad bitch and, you’re killing it. Do not be afraid to reach out. Whether it’s to me, your Mum, sister, aunty, friends or the cashier at Coles. DO IT. It’s so okay to not be okay, to not know what you’re doing, to want a break or to be angry with yourself or your baby. It’s okay. We are all on the same team. My best advice for other young mamas is to make an effort to do something for you every single day. Some days for me that’s sitting on the floor of the shower at 11pm and taking a time out. Some days it’s reading out in the sun. Always make time for yourself. You deserve it. Take deep breaths and don’t ever let yourself forget how far you’ve come. Your mental health is just as important as your baby’s wellbeing, and everything else on the top of your to do list.⁣

 

Best wishes,⁣

Emily Detlaff x”⁣